Over the years dat followed my ‘back-sliding’, i had a great many off & on relationship with God. One year, i was fire-brand 4 d Lord, another year i was an atheist. It was basically a pendulum kind of relationship. @ some point, i got fed up with it all & decided “u know what, God, let’s reach understanding: u stay where u are, & i stay where i am. Am not saying u don’t exist – cos apparently u do, but i don’t want to get into a debate about it or be forced to go 2 church, or pray or any of those practices associated with being a christian.” And, for a long time that was how it was. I was comfortable with dat arrangement & i imagined so was God.
Then, life deals u some blows dat leaves u utterly helpless. U encounter situations dat r so completely beyond u. U think & think abt it, u can’t think up any solution. Den u discover dat u r just carrying way too much burden dan u were made 4. U had swallowed more dan u could chew. Den it dawns on u dat being a Christian isn’t about going to church. It isn’t even about evangelizing. Or not drinking alcohol/smoking/fornicating or any of those things u’d grown up believing Christianity was about. It isn’t about u doing all d good u know how. Or u not singing d devil’s songs (& damn, ain’t there so many of dem u can’t resist). Well, it may be these things 4 other people, but it sure wasn’t d sort of Christianity God was calling me into.
I still don’t know wot sort God called me into. All i know is am learning to get used 2 being d sort of person i was designed for. The person dat can run into His arms & be safe. The person that feels peace wen speaking 2 him, even though she still doesn’t enjoy going 2 church & can hardly sit 2ru an entire Mass. The person dat acknowledges dat He is a God dat cares, even though she feels funny saying her prayers & therefore blogs them. The person who is clothed in His grace & mercies, even though she isn’t saving it 4 her wedding night (& never had). This person is now seeking a relationship with You, d best way she knows how – one erroneous step @ a time.
Filed under: These Things I Say To You
